27 April, 2026

I just had a run, so I can finally write this now. It feels like people around me loves running, I don't really like it that much, I only ran during the first month in the gym, then I stopped. I remember people in the gym told me that it's not ideal to run because it reduces muscle building, I was brainwashed for many years.

I remember back in high school I would join 10K run just to walk after jogging a few miles, I've never ran from start to end without stopping before, so few years ago I signed up for a 5K, which I made it without stopping, a small win for me, I felt so happy, I was definitely happier than my friends who finished a full marathon.

Stopped running after that, then over 5 years flew by, today I ran again. Stopped at 2km on a treadmill, I thought I could run more than that. I remember so clearly that the 15 minute mark that I used to consistently experiencing. The first 15 minute is brutal, I feel pain everywhere, I want to stop so much, time is ticking so slowly, it feels like it took 30 minutes for 13 minutes to pass.

After 15 minutes, it feels like floating. It's the runners high that people talked about, my feet were light, I was breathing so casually I don't feel tired at all. I was in nirvana, the lights were brighter, I was smiling, I feel a slight breeze even thought I was in the gym, I feel awakened. It went on like that for the next 45 minutes which I couldn't believe I actually ran that long, I was amazed.

Today I hopped on the treadmill, looking forward for the 15 minute mark, first 5 minute I could feel pain in my calves, 10 minute my ankle starts to sore, 14 minutes I was almost there. 15 minute it's still the same, nothing different, where's the awakening, where's the lightness. Did I remember it wrongly, I remember it so clearly, the feeling and all. I remember the location in the gym, the televisions in front of me I was looking at a wall instead, today there's no such feeling, I stopped at 20 minutes.

I always wanted to write about running, Murakami's running book is the reason I'm here typing this, and I love that book so much, it made me want to give running another chance, which I did, a month after I finished that book.

As I'm typing this I'm building an app for runners to run together every weekend, it's for a friend who has been manually organizing this every weekend for the last 3 months. Something that I look forward to be viral, something that can build friendships among active people, something that I want to be a part of, something that can motivate me to run more.

Today's run on the treadmill facing a window with a great view, but there's a slight reflection which I can see myself reminded me of that one time I joined the gym when I was still in the University, I was working part time and my commute was over an hour, I still went to the gym after work, because I was overweight, I was quite depressed, I remember looking at the same reflection, looking at my overweight terrible looking face, I was actually feeling disgusted at myself.

I lost a lot of weight the next few months, then gained them back few years later, then tried to lose them again. This time I went for a jog with a friend in a park, he was running so slow so I could catch up to him, thinking back he's too kind to slow down, he's someone who's really obsessed with running, and a great friend that I have lost touched with.

I lost a lot of weight the next few months again, not from running but from lifting and eating healthy, also walking, I love taking walks, that's for another day to talk about. Running keeps coming back to me again and again, because everyone around me loves it, everyone is running everyday, running in the rain, running away from problems, running into the fire, runny nose.

1 May, 2026

Just ran again today, after 4 days of rest. I had a bad sore the day after and made me walk awkwardly for the next two days, but it's not as bad as I thought. I remember back then when I ran for 5k my whole body became sore the next day, it didn't make sense to me, didn't I only use my leg muscles why is my back feeling sore.

I remember that the sore is just temporary it doesn't affect the next run, it's just exaggerated, making it easier for an excuse to not run again immediately, which it did successfully for the next four days, and I finally started running again. This morning I was excited, so excited I wore the wrong shoes.

There's only one treadmill in the gym, and one guy was using it, so I went back to my room to change my shoes, went back down and the guy finished running, right on time. I hopped on, walked a little and started with my 8 minute pace, it feels much easier this time, my breath is smoother, I feel lighter when I'm running.

Then I finally feel a little bit of the awakening that I felt before, I think I finally understand now, it's the sweat dripping on my neck, and the slight wind making it chiller, some sweat went into my ear, blocking it, felt like I've detached from body, feels like I'm behind my eyes, I don't think about my legs anymore, I was inside my own thoughts.

Time was still moving slow though, which inspired me to write about waiting because I was there waiting for the time to reach 20 minutes, I thought about waiting at the airport to fetch my family home, waiting at the mall, waiting in the car, I'm always waiting. It's also because of the part of The Art of Spending that I reached talked about minimizing regrets, by not wasting time doomscrolling, let's have that in a new topic.

I love running, I love being bored while running, it's like the meditation I have every morning, it's better than that because I am more conscious, more awake, and more time to be deep into my thoughts.

11 May, 2026

Ran again, not today but last week, trying my best to remember because I didn't write much notes. I'm writing this a week later because I was procrastinating writing last week, or I was really busy with many things, it was a wild week but that's not the point of this topic. We woke up at 6:30am, we slept early the night before so it's not too bad. We changed our clothes, went downstairs to the gym and it's opened, turned on the lights and air conditioner, then hopped on the treadmill and started running.

I had a leg sore from badminton a week ago, it was affecting the run more than I expected it to be. I used to always go to the gym even when I'm feeling sore, maybe it's easier to endure a few reps than a 20 minutes run, I was trying my best to think of something else, not look at the time, but failed so miserably.

Around 10 minutes, the sore reduces a little, but the lower left side of my stomach started to hurt now, my mind telling me to stop. It's a familiar pain, the one that I would usually stop for, the ones that I had when I was running back in high school, back in basketball practice, I stopped to walk, but this time I kept running.

At around 15 minutes I was eyeing the time like a hawk, telling myself there's only less than 5 minutes left, we're almost there. 2 minutes left I felt a slight headache, it was concerning, maybe because I didn't drink enough water before the run, the sunrise was nice, it was a calm morning, people are on their way to work and I'm there running, and I finished the run, it felt really nice.

I thought I would feel this nice for the rest of the day, but all I got was feeling sleepy, really sleepy in the office, coffee or anything doesn't work at all, should I still run in